Bleach  Behind The Scene's
by Emeralds Rose
Summary: Ever wonder what these people are doing offscrene? Well we got the inside scoop for the conversations right here!
1. Introduction

Hi there, I'm trying a little experiment that I thought would be quite the laugh for some of the bleach fans out there. I got this idea from a guy who did the exact same thing with Tales Of Symphonia, and I gotta say they we're hilarious. So here you go, hope you enjoy!

XxxxXxxxX

Hitsuguya: i really dont like it when people give me candy

Matsumoto: Why? Cause people think you're a kid?

Hitsuguya: No, cause they never give me jolly rancher

XxxxXxxxX

Gin: Aizen-sama, why exactly did you pin momo against Hitsuguya?

Aizen: I have my reasons

Gin: Was it because he was going to figure you out? and that momo was so loyal to you that she would fight anyone for you?

Aizen: No

Gin: Then what is it?

Aizen: He took the last klondike bar

XxxxXxxxX

Ichigo: Urahara-san, why do you think the Arrancar removed thier masks in the first place?

Urahara: To be honest, I have one thought

Ichigo: Was it to gain a greater power to take over the world as they see fit?

Urahara: No, I don't think that's it Ichigo-san

Ichigo: Then why?

Urahara: You try getting a date looking like a hollow and come back to me and ask why

XxxxXxxxX

Tousen: You know, I did freaking awesome being able to cut off Grim-jows arm

Aizen: Well Inoue helped heal his arm back

Tousen: She did what?!

Aizen: She has the ability to reverse time and put things to the way they once were

Tousen: Ah, i see

Aizen: Indeed... Hey wait I thought you told me you were blind!

XxxxXxxxX

Kenpachi: I swear i'll kill that Ichigo Kurosaki

Renji: Whoa, Kenpachi calm down all he did was defeat you, at least your not dead

Kenpachi: That's not why I want to kill him

Renji: Oh? Then what is it?

Kenpachi: He Tivo'd over my favourite episode of seventh heaven

XxxxXxxxX

Yourochi: One...Two...Step!

Urahara: Oh, are you practicing flash step?

Yourochi: Oh god no, I'm the master of flash remember, why would i e trainng on that?

Urahara: Well you were out of battle for so lon...

Yourochi: I'm auditioning for that new music video "!-2-Step!"

XxxxXxxxX

So there you have it, just a little sneak peak as to what things are going to be. I'll probably focus more on each episode as it goes, so if you like it, review! And if I get enough I'll continue on to make more episodes, and more dialog in each episode.


	2. Episode 1: Enter The Rukia

_Episode 1 – Enter The Rukia… and Some kinkiness_

XxxxXxxxX

Rukia: That spell binding trick I used on you was Demon magic, a noble magic used by…

Ichigo: Noble?! It seemed like you we're trying to cuff me for kinky purposes!

Rukia: Well, now that you mention it…

Ichigo: Oh god no don't say it!

XxxxXxxxX

Spirit: Oh please no, I don't want to go to hell

Rukia: You won't go to hell, you'll be going to a place far better than that

Spirit: You mean a place like heaven where I can rest peacefully?

Rukia: No, you're going to my bedroom for some S&M

Ichigo: My god you are sick minded

XxxxXxxxX

Ichigo: You know, there's something about your drawings I always wanted to ask

Rukia: What, they're not crappy ok! I take very good pride in my drawings!

Ichigo: No, it's nothing like that

Rukia: Then what is it?

Ichigo: Why the hell do you carry around Crayons and a pad of paper when your slaying hollows?!

Rukia: You never know when it may come in handy

Ichigo: Yea, sure, Color the thing to death why don't ya

XxxxXxxxX

Ichigo: So why was that girl being chased by a hollow?

Rukia: Well, you see that hollow…

Ichigo: Had a rather emotional connection with the girl and now is forced to hunt her down against his will until she is consumed by him?

Rukia: Actually she just called him a really mean name

XxxxXxxxX

Hollow: I smell it

Little Girl: Smell what?

Hollow: Something… Delicious

Little Girl: a tasty soul?

Hollow: I smell what the rock, is cookin'

XxxxXxxxX

Ichigo: Hey, you hear that?

Rukia: In any case, it's certain that one is roaming the second one is roaming the area

Ichigo: Omg are you even listening?

Rukia: Well, I don't know why, but recently, I haven't been able to sense its presence…

Ichigo: You don't have to sense it! The flippen window is wide open I can hear that thing froma mile away!

Rukia: Huh? What window, where? Oooo look at the pretty moon outside, isn't it lovely?

Ichigo: You call yourself a death god…

XxxxXxxxX

Ichigo: Holy crap what's with all these symbols surrounding me?

Rukia: That's the demon magic spell I put on you

Ichigo: Well god why didn't you say so earlier? (Grabs an eraser)

Rukia: That spell cannot be broken by human strength, it can… what the hell?

Ichigo: You know a rope or something would have been more efficient, but words? Come on I'll erase these in a pinch!

XxxxXxxxX

Hollow: Why in the hell did you attack me with a chair?

Ichigo: You asked what the Rock, was cookin'

XxxxXxxxX

Rukia: I don't know why, but those hollows we're after you all along!

Ichigo: Why is that?

Rukia: You must have done something…

Ichigo: You mean like have an extraordinary high amount of spirit energy?

Rukia: no, that couldn't be it

Ichigo: Then what the hell?!

Rukia: You had toast this morning, didn't you?

XxxxXxxxX

Rukia: Did you honestly think that giving up your soul would end this hollow's man slaughter?

Ichigo: Well, actually…

Rukia: You fool! It doesn't stop there! It contin…

Ichigo: I was planning on taking it out for some toast and tea later! Jeeze… spaz monkey

XxxxXxxxX

Rukia: What you must do, is pierce my sword, through your heart

Ichigo: Well, uhm… I dunno

Rukia: What?! You don't want to save your family?!

Ichigo: No, it's not that

Rukia: The do it already! Time is short!

Ichigo: That blade is kind of rusty… I don't want to get some kind of morbid disease you know

Rukia: Oh for the love of…

XxxxXxxxX

Rukia: I've never seen a human who could confuse a death gods senses

Rukia: I've never seen a human who could break a demon spell

Rukia: And I've never seen a death god's soul slayer THAT huge before

Ichigo: Rukia?

Rukia: Ya?

Ichigo: Seriously, lay off the drugs

XxxxXxxxX

Ichigo: Feel the wrath for ever raising a hand at my family!

Hollow: And what? Go to hell?!

Ichigo: No, somewhere far worse

Hollow: Oh god no, anywhere but…

Ichigo: Rukia's Bedroom!

Rukia: Hey!

OoooOoooO

Emeralds Rose – Well, here you go! I'm planning on making my little skits from EVERY episode. Sometime's I'll update fast, sometimes a bit slower than others (Due to my actual story I'm working on) If any are interested the link provided below will lead you there. The story was inspired by bleach itself, so when you see a lot of similarities, you'll know why. I also have a taste of naruto and some Angel Sanctuary for those who've read/watched such anime.

Ok, so because it won't let me type the full adress i'm taking out 'www' and 'com' So fill it in yourself 

Site - FictionPress

Number - 2421827/1/

Name - Real

Auther - Emeralds Rose


	3. Episode 2: Feel The Wrath Of Uryu?

_Episode 2 – Feel The Wrath Of… Uryu?_

XxxxXxxxX

Tatsuki: Ichigo! You can't just walk into someone and just say "Oh, it's just you"

Ichigo: Sure I can just watch (turns and walks)

Oomph

Uryu: The hell? I'm not supposed to be in this episode!

Ichigo: Well apparently you are now

Uryu: Odd

Ichigo: Indeed

XxxxXxxxX

(Ichigo finds out that Rukia is in his class)

Ichigo: What the hell're you thinking!?

Rukia: Oh my, how scary

Rukia: What ever is the matter?

Rukia: (turning flirty) Is something going to happen to me?

Ichigo: Ah ha! There's proof that even ON screen you're a pervert!

XxxxXxxxX

Rukia: Last night, you nearly consumed all my death god powers

Ichigo: whoa…

Rukia: What is it?

Ichigo: It's like I took your soul reaper virginity

Rukia: … (blush)

Ichigo: OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

Rukia: You love it

XxxxXxxxX

Ichigo: So that's why my classmates could see you

Rukia: Cause I'm in a faux body?

Ichigo: no…

Rukia: Then why?

Ichigo: Cause you're a female… Your talking about fifteen year olds here.

Rukia: Your point?

Ichigo: Anything with boobs is visible to the naked eye… Hey what the hell? She suddenly vanished.

XxxxXxxxX

Rukia: I guess I have no choice (slips on death glove)

Ichigo: What the?!

(slams her hand into his chin)

Ichigo: Oh god, I'm saved, I thought something much worse would happen

Rukia: what else would I do with a glove?

Ichigo: Let's just say a certain 'examination' was avoided.

Rukia: huh? What is he… wait.. OH GOD YOUR SICK!… I like the way you think (wink)

XxxxXxxxX

Ichigo: I must go save that little boy!

Rukia: Wait! Don't be selfish! I'll do it!

Ichigo: I don't think so MJ wanna-be!

Rukia: What the hell are you talking about?!

Ichigo: Well let's see… your wearing only one glove on your right hand, and your about to save an eight year old little boy. You tell me what's wrong with that picture.

Rukia: Oh come on, it'll only be a few seconds

Ichigo: YOUR TWISTED YOU KNOW THAT!

Rukia: I'm only kidding (giggle)

XxxxXxxxX

Ichigo: Inoue! Did you just get hit by that car?

Inoue: Uhm, actually… No

Ichigo: Then what happened?

Inoue: I kicked it!

Ichigo: Why the hell would you kick a moving car?!

Inoue: Someone put a 'kick me' sign on the back… Don't you usually do what signs say?

Ichigo: Oh lord…

XxxxXxxxX

Ichigo: Holy crap, that hollow can float!

Rukia: That's not so special…

Ichigo: sure it is, that can only mean one thing…

Rukia: What's that?

Ichigo: Chris Angel became a hollow!

XxxxXxxxX

Rukia: Don't swing your sword around so recklessly!

Ichigo: Why it's not like I'm gonna poke my eye out or anything

Rukia: Yeah, but you almost poked out mine!

XxxxXxxxX

Ichigo: that hollow just now… that was inoue's brother!

Rukia: So you say, what of it?

Ichigo: That bastard still owes me money!

XxxxXxxxX

Inoue: Tatsuki, I'm scared, what are we going to do?

Tatsuki: I don't know, I haven't planned this far ahead

Inoue: you mean you had a plan to face a monster?

Tatsuki: No, I forgot to set a Tivo recording for big brother 78

XxxxXxxxX

Emeralds Rose – Well, another quick update on the shortened version of Bleach Behind The Scene's! I won't be able to put much here, unless I feel it's necessary to state something. (Yes I'm making Rukia look like a major pervert)


	4. Episode 3: Mind Freak!

_Episode 3 – Mind Freak!_

XxxxXxxxX

Rukia: Now that he has failed to devour you, he will try to fill the emptiness inside…

Rukia: ...By going after the soul of his most beloved one in his life

Ichigo: You don't mean?

Rukia: yes, it's…

Ichigo: Omfg what a god damn newb, going online to pwn all his halo 3 friends just because he lost one match… God where's the admin?

XxxxXxxxX

Inoue: What's going on?

Inoue: Whats happening?

Inoue: Who is that monster?

Hollow: You don't know who I am?

Inoue: My brother perhaps?

Hollow: Fuck no, I'm Chuck Norris Bitch!

XxxxXxxxX

Inoue: Tatsuki-chan!

Hollow: It's no use Orihime

Hollow: She can't hear nor see us

Inoue: Holy crap!

Hollow: Shociking isn't i…

Inoue: I didn't know we were filming the sixth sense!

XxxxXxxxX

Ichigo: Inoue? You can see me?

Inoue: Well of course I can

Ichigo: Holy crap!

Inoue: What? Surprised that I can see your spirit form?

Ichigo: No, but concidering people can see Rukia… I must be a chick!

Inoue: Its no wonder you don't like me… Holy crap he vanished

Ichigo: I'm still here

Inoue: Who said that?!

XxxxXxxxX

Hollow: That's right, Orihime died!

Ichigo: Holy crap! Then that means…

Hollow: That she's never coming back?

Ichigo: Then we really ARE filming the sixth sense!

Inoue: I thought so too!

XxxxXxxxX

Hollow: Orihime, have you really forgotten me?

Inoue: …Onii-chan?

Hollow: Yes, you are…

Inoue: Well it's no wonder, with a face like that who WOULD want to remember you?!

XxxxXxxxX

Ichigo: Do you know why, big brothers are born first?

Hollow: Yeah yeah, to protect their little…

Ichigo: No! That's not it

Hollow: Oh, then explain

Ichigo: … Cause boys rule and girls drool!

XxxxXxxxX

Inoue: You never went to heaven, because I told you not to leave me

Hollow: Orihime…

Inoue: I always felt you were close by, and that you wouldn't leave me

Hollow: Your rig…

Inoue: You know how creepy it is to have a stalker?! Never mind a sibling stalker! My god it's no wonder why I stopped praying

Ichigo: She's got a point

Rukia: Indeed

XxxxXxxxX

(The hollow grabs ichigo's sword after realizing Inoue kept her brothers hairpins)

Ichigo: Hey…

Hollow: If I stay like this, I'll just become a monster again…

Ichigo: Well damn rights you will

Hollow: so I shall take away…

Ichigo: If you're a mixture of Criss Angel and Chuck Norris then we got more than an enemy on our hands… Hell kill yourself now before your true power awakens!

XxxxXxxxX

Inoue: Onii-Chan, before you go, I hae one last thing to say

Hollow: What is that?

Inoue: Have a nice day

Hollow: thank yo… What the fuck is that it?! Oh come on you could have said something a lot more meaningful like "You we're the most specialist person in my life"

Inoue: but i…

Hollow: I mean come on I'm about to kill myself and all you can say is "have a nice day?" God now I'm glad I'm killing myself… You just made me emo, thanks!

XxxxXxxxX

Rukia: Yea, that's the power of Memory Replacement

Ichigo: Wow, where did you manage to extract it's power from?

Rukia: Well you see…

Criss Angel: Ah ha! That was SO a Mind Freak!

Rukia: GET BACK IN YOUR BOX!

XxxxXxxxX

Emeralds Rose – Well it seems that a lot of you like to see some of the 'outside of the box' material. So if you got any suggestions in regards to people you think would be funny to see or events that should be mocked. Review it and I'll see what I can do :)


	5. Special Ep 1: Free Time

_Special Episode 1 – Free Time_

What do the bleach characters do on their free time off-screen? Well we found some pretty interesting footage! Let's watch…

XxxxXxxxX

Hitsuguya: Where's the captain Yamamoto?

Kenpachi: He was the one who called this meeting, so he should be here

Byakuya: There can only be one place...

(Elsewhere)

Caller: G - 46

Yamamoto: BINGO!

XxxxXxxxX

Rukia: This was the only mod soul we could find

Ichigo: he looks so, lifeless

Ishida: Does he even do anything

Rukia: I'm sorry, but all they had left was Keanu Reeves... I couldn't get anything else!

XxxxXxxxX

Ichigo: I don't want to join your stupid team of Vizard

Shinji: But, there is a major problem

Ichigo: And what's that?

Shinji: THE ARRANCAR ARE THE BACKSTREET BOYS!

Ichigo: Holy shit start my training now!

XxxxXxxxX

Ichigo: Hey uh, Byukuya, is there a move stronger than your ban kai?

Byukuya: Well actually, yes

Ichigo: What's that? Could I defeat it?

Byukuya: probably not

Ichigo: Then what is it?

Byukuya: From New York to Florida… People just don't come back from there

XxxxXxxxX

Kariya: Yes, we are a group of whats left of a clan called Bount… And we seek revenge on the soul society

Ichigo: Is that because they rejected you as beings?

Ishida: And made you live horrible lives in the human world?

Rukia: And because they couldn't accept what they did and so your making them regret it?

Kariya: No! Mommy didn't get me a pony for Christmas! (cries like a baby and throws a tantrum)

XxxxXxxxX

Rock: Can you smeeeeeeell what the rock… Is cookin?

Hollow: Indeed I did

Rock: Oh holy crap! (runs)

Hollow: Where are you running to?

Rock: To betray wrestling and get into something so much more easier!

Hollow: Oh and what's that?

Rock: An acting carreer!

XxxxXxxxX

Britney: Hit me baby one more time! (singing)

(Renji comes in and cuts her down)

Renji: Finally! I rid the world of something more evil than a hollow!

Rukia: She was an arrancar?

Renji: No she just really sucked

XxxxXxxxX

Nanao: I'm never talking to you again!

Shunsui: But Nanao-chaaan… Nanao! Nanao! Nanao! Nan! Nan! Nan! Nan! Nan! Na! Na! Na! Na! Na! Na! Na!

Nanao: WHAT?!

Shunsui: Hi! (giggles then runs away)

XxxxXxxxX

Emeralds Rose – I had to many idea's in my head and I couldn't wait for specific episodes so I decided that once I have a load of ranomd idea's, I'll write a special! They can occur many times but very randomly. So who knows when the next ones at. And thank you for the people who gave their critism… The actual only reason I did it like that was cause It would just look to short that way, but hey if you like to read it better this way then that's fine. They're just goofy shit I make up anyways so yeh, I'm glad so many enjoy them! (600 hits in two days!)


	6. Episode 4: Definately Not The Bird Flu

_Episode 4 – It's Definitely Not The Bird Flu_

(Some random back alley)

Man: I heard this cockatiel is cursed

Shigeo: What?! Cursed you say?

Man: Yea, apparently anyone who owns it dies

Shigeo: Oh my god are you serious?!

Man: yea…

Shigeo: Holy crap I've been looking for a present for my sister! This will do perfectly!

Man: My god you're a monster

XxxxXxxxX

(Continued…)

Chad: I'll take it

Shigeo: Why the hell would you do that?

Chad: Well I'm NEVER going to be a main character hanging around you guys… If I take that bird, and apparently prove that curse wrong, which I know I will… Then I HAVE to become a main character.

Shigeo: Uhm… Chad?

Chad: Hm?

Shigeo: I swear that's like your all time record for amount of words spoken in one sentence.

XxxxXxxxX

(Huge ass thing falls on Chad's back)

Shigeo: Whoa Chad, are you alright?

Chad: Yeah

Shigeo: Don't give me that, your bleeding!

Random Voice: Thank you for saving me

Shigeo: The hell?!

Random Voice: (they finally realize it's coming from the bird) My name is Shibita Yuuichi

Chad: Whoa…

Shigeo: I know, a talki…

Chad: That name… is so effin cool

XxxxXxxxX

(At the school grounds)

Rukia: Ichigo, how does one drink from this?

Ichigo: Well lets see, you take the straw (duh) find that little hole on the top (Obviously) and stick it through

Rukia: (Has a rather large grin) Oh really now?

Ichigo: I MEANT THE JUICE BOX YOU SICK PERVE!

XxxxXxxxX

Mizuro: Oh, that's right I haven't introduced myself, Kojima Mizuro, fifteen years old, my hobby is…

Ichigo: …Girl hunting

Mizuro: What the hell?! No it's not!

Ichigo: Sure it is, you man whore… Look at the amount of fan-fics out there about you! I'm sure as damn hell you set those up…

Mizuro: Well.. uh.. hehe.. you see

Rukia: Man-whore you say… how much you pay?

Ichigo: OH GOD I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS

Mizuro: ……………………………………………………………….. (ichigo leaves) fifteen dollars.

XxxxXxxxX

(Chad gets to the school)

Ichigo: Chad? Your bleeding!

Chad: Yea, steel girder fell on me yesterday, and my hand was harmed from crashing into an oncoming motorcyclist.

Ichigo: Holy hell!

Chad: The guy looked more banged up then I did… so I brought him back to the hospital

Mizuro: So that's why you're late…

Ichigo: More like, I'm _still_ wondering what the heck you're _made_ of

Chad: Unicorn dust and some giants hair

Ichigo:….I'm really sorry I asked

XxxxXxxxX

(Chad gets brought into the hospital, and Karin notices the bird)

Karin: The bird… could he be the meaning of life? Could he be the answers to all my problems? Have I found true love?

Ichigo: Karin?

Karin: What?

Ichigo: We're not in Naruto, don't jack their lines!

XxxxXxxxX

(Chad escaped from the hospital)

Ichigo: Then that means chad's being stalked by a hollow

Rukia: That's right, then that means…

Ichigo: It means that the hollow…

Rukia: Yes.. it means…

Ichigo: Steve Erwin! Criekey we better go catch outselves a hollow mate! Or he could surely die! (Completely using the accent)

XxxxXxxxX

(Entering the store house)

Bird: Mister, I bring misfortune to people who own me… I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner

Chad: That's ok

Bird: You can leave me now

Chad: Alright

Bird: Wait what?!

Chad: Haha oh man I'm just kidding! But man you should have seen your face! Frikken priceless!

XxxxXxxxX

(Following chad)

Hollow: I smell something good!

Rukia: Oh no, you are NOT using that pun!

Hollow: But…

Rukia: I said no!

XxxxXxxxX

Rukia: Oh no, I haven't recovered enough to use that high level spell of demon magic… that only leaves me with one choice…

Hollow: Oh? And what is that?

Rukia: Cloud! I choose you!

Cloud: What the hell?! I'm supposed to be fighting Jenova right now with Red XII and Tifa… why are you doing this to me?!

Rukia: Use your Omnislash!

Cloud: Screw you! I'm not an effin pokemon! I'm going back home!

Rukia: Well there goes that plan…

XxxxXxxxX

Emeralds Rose – Hello people! Wow, I never thought this type of thing would get me so many hits! So because you people love it so much, I want to give you the chance to make up a few scene's yourself! If you got a scene, or something you wished to have made fun of, simply PM me (Do not leave it as a review, or else people well spoil the surprise) with what you want. If I do in fact enjoy it and find it rather funny, then I shall post it in either a special edition or in one of the episodes, with your PenName included! Sounds fun? Who knows, maybe this will turn into quite the deal, lets see!


	7. Special Ep 2: Dancings With The Stars?

_Special Episode 2 – Dancing With The Stars?_

XxxxXxxxX

Renji: Oh my god Ichigo! There's a shinigami that NO ONE can cut down! Not even Captain Zaraki!

Ichigo: Well that's certainly different… What's his name?

Renji: he goes by the name of Tupac

Ichigo: (So he WAS dead after all) Well, it's no wonder why you guys can't kill him

Renji: Oh? And you know how?

Ichigo: Of course! The only way to kill a rapper is shoot him about ten times. Anything else and they're practically protected by the power of media.

Renji: Wow, now that's one strong force

Ichigo: scary, isn't it

XxxxXxxxX

Matsumoto: Captain, we gotta go to the real world

Hitsuguya: Well I don't wanna! (crosses his arms)

Matsumoto: but cap…

Hitsuguya: I SAID I DON'T WANNA! (Stomps his feet)

Matsumoto: Ok, that's it! I'm taking away all your toys!

Hitsuguya: FINE! (begins to cry) your such a meanie!

XxxxXxxxX

Aizen: We found the perfect model for our new Arrancar

Tousen: She doesn't look to reliable

Aizen: Maybe not, but don't underestimate the power of media!

Tousen: you got a point…

Aizen: Alright britney, tell us your new name

Britney: Wonder…wice…

XxxxXxxxX

Kenpachi: Byukuya, may I ask you something.

Byukuya: No, for the last time I won't fight you

Kenpachi: I wasn't going to ask that.

Byukuya: Oh? Then what is it?

Kenpachi: Does… Does this outfit make me look fat?

Byukuya: … Draw your sword… now.

XxxxXxxxX

Renji: You needed to talk to me about something?

Byukuya: Yes... I'm concerned about your training.

Renji: What about it?

Byukuya: Why is it that every thursday i see you prancing around in the fields in a pink tutu on and dancing with your Bankai?!

Renji: Well... Uhm...

Byukuya: Could you teach me how to dance with my Bankai like that?


	8. Special Ep 3: Now Now Kids

_Special Episode 3 – Now Now Kids_

XxxxXxxxX

Rukia: Hey what the hell? Where did my fight go?

Ichigo: We skipped it.

Rukia: What?!

Ichigo: Well we felt that because you still dont have any powers, it would be juts as lame as lindsey lohan live in concert

Renji: Oh burn!

XxxxXxxxX

Aizen: Gin, why is it that your sword can extend so long?

Gin: Well... To tell you the truth.. It comes from my lack of compensation.

Aizen: Ooo... It's no wonder your evil 

XxxxXxxxX

Tousen: Aizen, because I'm blind and unable to see your swords true form, could you explain to me what it looks like once in Bankai state?

Aizen: I think if I go into Bankai you'll hear for yourself why it's the deadliest Bankai ever.

Tousen: Alright, let's hear it!

Aizen: Bankai!

Aizen's Sword: Lala La La, Lala La La, Elmo's world!

Tousen: OH GOD NO!

XxxxXxxxX

Aizen: Ok Tousen, let's hear your True state of Bankai, I know it deals with insects and such, but I believe there is a power hidden deeper than that.

Tousen: You are correct, but I must chant the words differently

Aizen: Oh?

Tousen: Care Bear Count Down! Five, Four, Three, Two, One!

XxxxXxxxX

Hitsuguya: Byukuya, we got a problem!

Byukuya: What is it?

Hitsuguya: Look at what people are writing about us online!

Byukuya: Oh my lord… they write so passionately.. and what the hell?

Hitsuguya: Exactly, it's disturbing…

Byukuya: I'm the one who wears the pants in this relationship! Not you!


	9. Episode 5  Games, Games and Newbs?

Episode 5 – Games, Games… and Newbs?

XxxxXxxxX

Hitsuguya: Yamamoto, How exactly do we play this game?

Yamamoto: Well, you see the caller calls out numbers.

Caller: B 14

Yamamoto: And you dab on your page where that number shows up, you continue to dab until you make a line

Caller: G 46

Kenpachi: Bingo!

Matsumoto: My god you sunk my battleship!

Hitsuguya: Wrong game Matsumoto…

Ichigo: He only called out two numbers… That's nearly impossible

Kenpachi: You questioning my gaming skills Ichigo?!

Ichigo: Haha no sorry… I uh…

Renji: Yaaahhtzeeeeeeeeeee!

Rukia: You animals…

XxxxXxxxX

Ikkaku: What's hitsuguya doing in his room? He's been in there for seventeen hours straight now

Matsumoto: I don't know, lets check

Hitsuguya: Ok guys, flank over to the bridge and we'll take em out there

Renji: He's not playing what I think he's playing is he?

Computer: HEAD-SHOT

Hitsuguya: GOD DAMMIT BYUKUYA YOU CHEATING NOOB!!!

(elsewhere)

Byukuya: Hehe, I love t3h hax

XxxxXxxxX

Segment Requested By: ADDVengance

(At the Sykyoku)

Rukia: I have no regrets… I am ready to die

(Bird swings in to kill Rukia but is stopped by Ichigo)

Rukia: Ichi-Ichigo?! You came to save me?

Ichigo: What? Save you? Ha screw that, I came to bake some muffins. Ok birdy, open up so I can put the pan inside.

Rukia: You're such an ass…

XxxxXxxxX

Ichigo: The Bounto sure are annoying

Rukia: Well, they're leader claims to call himself…

Ichigo: It's not who you think it is Rukia

Rukia: I was gonna say Bob Barker, I mean come on, look at the guy he must be at least two hundred years old!

XxxxXxxxX

Hitsuguya: -gasp- FINALLY!

Matsumoto: What?

Hitsuguya: Finally someone with a decent sense of mind got me something I actually liked!

Matsumoto: Oh, and what's that? A new sword? A new robe?

Hitsuguya: I FINALLY GOT MY JOLLY RANCHER! 3


	10. Episode 6  The One, The Only Emo

_Episode 6 – The One, The Only… Emo_

XxxxXxxxX

Maury: Renji Abarai… You are not, the father

Renji: GOD DAMN RIGHTS I'M NOT!

Rukia: Oh will I ever find the father to my baby?!

Maruy: Actually in fact we have located the where abouts of the father, can he please step out now!

Rukia: Oh god… No, anyone but him!

Kon: YEAH BABY!

XxxxXxxxX

Ikkaku: Matsumoto, why does Hitsuguya make you do all the paper work?

Matsumoto: Well... if you must know... It was Yamamoto's idea for me to start doing the work

Ikkaku: What? Why? Histuguya is captain though

Matsumoto: Yea well, he finally got tired of seeing "Z0mg lyk3 /\/\y 1337 t3m cn so pwn yer n00by $$

XxxxXxxxX

Rukia: Ichigo, I'm going to have to ask you to take my place as a death god for now

Ichigo: Oh hell no! I am not fighting those god dam things ANY more!

Rukia: We got cookies!

Ichigo: Where's that rat bastid!?

XxxxXxxxX

Segment Requested By: Hearii

Aizen: Ok, we'll start the meeting now...

Ulquiorra: I'm a moderadly depressed person, I cut myself ten times a day, Cryy myself to sleep and think the world is crap

Aizen: Ulquiorra? What the hell was that?

Ulquiorra: What do you mean? This isn't the EA club?

Aizen: EA Club?

Ulquiorra: Emo's Annonymous

XxxxXxxxX

Tousen: Ulquiorra, your an emo?

Ulquiorra: Well if you havent noticed the emo like hair, mask and lines uner my eyes

Tousen: I got just the cure

Ulquiorra: Oh? And what's that?

Tousen: Care Bear Count Down! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!


End file.
